riddle me this.

I've realized something about myself recently. I tend to fall in love with the idea of falling in love and in turn, when I think there is the slightest attraction of a male towards me, I think I've stumbled across love. I know, it's precocious. I don't know why or when I started this whole thing, but nonetheless...

Over the past 4 years of being single, I've developed this idea that there is something wrong with me. I'm not pretty enough, I'm too intimidating, not skinny enough, I'm more of a "sister" or I'm only "marriage material", etc. I honestly believed those things. I must have done something wrong or maybe I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life. I just knew that there had to be a reason for it. It's amazing what you'll believe, you know. Then I got to thinking about it... That cannot be right. I have this deep desire to be married -- to have a companion. Somebody I can take care of and somebody to take care of me. Somebody that will witness my life and encourage me along the way... I simply want to be loved. Accepted. Cherished. Adored.

Can I be honest?
(It doesn't matter what your answer is, because I'm going to be honest anyway. You're the one still reading.)

Guys say women are...

- confusing and can't figure out what they want
- a riddle they cannot figure out
- that we don't know how to be "just friends"
- we speak in "code" and aren't just honest about how we feel

Women say guys...

- don't know how to communicate
- don't know how to be "just friends" without us thinking that they are interested (yep. process that statement)
- aren't honest with how they feel
- cannot be romantic because it's too feminine for them

Here's what I think (since this is MY blog and I can say what I want)... Both men and women think the same way. We're both needing/wanting honesty. Maybe if women would stop talking in "code" and men would learn how to be honest, we could get somewhere. I can say that I've tried both: the "dropping hints" scenario and being completely vulnerable -- laying my heart out there. Can I just tell you that neither worked? Nope.

Riddle me this, what is it that men want? Seriously.

growing pains.

I've come to the conclusion that one of the deepest pains in life is watching someone you love suffer and have no way to help them.

That being said, yesterday my dad had his surgery. We were at the hospital from about 7 o'clock in the morning til 9 o'clock last night. Through about seven hours of surgery and about an hour of waiting to see my dad -- we made it. I'm almost definite that those 7 hours were the longest hours of my life. The doctor said everything went very well and although he's in a lot of pain, he is going to be just fine. It was difficult for me to see him under all the anesthesia and pain medication yesterday -- he wasn't himself. He's in so much pain and there's nothing I can do to help alleviate the pain. I hate that... I think I was expecting the witty, bounce-back person I'm used to -- even under medication -- but he wasn't all there. Today he's doing much better, PTL. He's been able to walk around a few times and has been able to eat a little bit. God is faithful!

I simply adore my dad.

On a different note:
It's my 22nd birthday.

I can't say that I feel much older today, but I can say that I won't ever forget this birthday... I couldn't have asked for a better gift than for my dad to be out of surgery and have no trace of cancer anywhere else in his body. Knowing from this point on that he will be better is the best gift anyone could give me.

So, today we celebrate in Room 170. It's a special kind of celebration. Here's a toast to a long life, a birthday, and many, many memories.
Cheers.

sunsets.

I'm looking forward to this type of sunset in less than a week...