waiting.

Have you ever waited on something?
...And your stomach began to hurt and your heart raced and the worst possible scenarios decided to replay themselves in your head over and over again?
Welcome.

I am a senior in college and during my finals week, on December 13th, I received a phone call from my parents that I was waiting on, but almost didn't want to answer -- as if to avoid the inevitable. While I was a home a few weeks before, my family and I were at lunch after church one Sunday when my dad chose to share the news with us. He had gone to the doctor and gotten some tests done...

So, here was the phone call. I could already hear it in my mom's voice. It's this tone she has when she has been crying. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I can honestly say I had never imagined this happening. But in that moment I had to make a choice to not worry. God is in control. I thought we were over our big "obstacle" in the Berry household. I thought we had paid our dues in dealing with pain... Nope.

I don't say that to discount what God can do. I believe He will and is healing my dad. I believe He is in control and loves my family very much. He has not brought us this far to simply take my dad away now... Of course there are moments of weakness and feelings that this cannot be real. BUT, in the end, I know that there is a reason for everything. In Ecclesiastes it says,

Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That's how it always is with God.

So, I trust Him. I have to daily give Him my thoughts and believe that He has a reason for everything... A season for everything.

wheel.

Because my beloved friend, Misty, felt the need to judge my last blog entry I wanted to write a more elaborate entry this time around.

Life has been absolutely insane the past month and a half -- hence the reason I haven't written in a while. I have had barely any time to do anything other than read and prepare for exams the last few weeks. Too many projects, papers, and the like. Thanksgiving break was a tease for me -- a week home, two weeks back in Florida, and then back home! But once I go home I won't have anything to worry about because next semester brings new classes.

I feel like I need to take a moment and reflect on what I've learned these past few months... My leadership classes have stretched me and have forced me to do a lot of self-examination. Although there have been a few rough spots in there, I have enjoyed my professors and what they have invested in my life. This semester has been the best of my college career. I've met some amazing people and many of my relationships have been brought full circle.

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now...

your love is strong.

Your Love Is Strong
:Jon Foreman:

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

a taste of heaven.

These are two pictures from my fall break this past weekend... I'm pretty sure the second one has to be the best of the entire trip. Yes, that's my dad -- and I'm proud of him. (love me, dad)

My fall break this semester was awesome -- maybe one of my favorites. It was quite the "homecoming" (note: I did not wear a fabulous gown, nor did I receive a crown) considering I hadn't seen my parents or friends in two months. That's definitely the longest I've ever been away from home... My brother Jason and his wife, Meghan, joined us for the weekend. Thursday night I met up with some friends for supper and that was fun. It was so good to see them and spend time with them! I didn't realize how much I had really missed them. I love being in good company.

Friday my family and I visited a pumpkin patch -- something I never had the pleasure of doing as a native Floridian. It was quite enjoyable. (minus the rainy weather) Friday night we enjoyed some delectable homemade brunswick stew made by none other than my dad. For dessert and entertainment: homemade brownies, a delightful game of Outburst from 1983, and Baby Mama. It was quite a night.

Saturday we just kind of "hung out" and then had supper at my Nana's house. A good time was had by all... Sunday was bittersweet. I went to church and had to say goodbye to friends, never a fun thing to do. Thank goodness I only have a month away until I'm home again for Thanksgiving! It can't get here soon enough. We made our trek back home and enjoyed the most amazing lunch ever. My mom is the best cook ever, hands down. Someday I hope to be that good :) I packed my car, hugged my parents goodbye, and started my drive back home. I cried. True story. I hate leaving home -- I never feel happy, you know? Of course, my mom called to tell me that she cried and in for some bizarre reason it made me feel good -- I'm missed. They really, truly miss me. It always feels nice to know that someone, somewhere misses you. Someday, just someday.

Cheers.

line 'em up.

Line 'Em Up
James Taylor

I remember Richard Nixon back in '74
And the final scene at the White House door
And the staff lined up to say good-bye
Tiny tear in his shifty little eye
He said nobody knows me
Nobody understands
These little people were good to me
Oh I'm gonna shake some hands

CHORUS:
Somebody line 'em up
Line 'em all up
Line 'em up
Line 'em all up
Line 'em up
Line 'em all up
Line 'em up
Line 'em all up

At that time my heart was all broke
I looked like ashes and smelled like smoke
And I turned away from my loving kind
Try to leave my body and live in my mind
But it's much too much emotion
To hold it in your hand
They've got waves out on the ocean
They're gonna wear away the land


Oh I've seen corn in Kansas
And I've seen picket fences
And certain cowboy dances
I've gone lining up for shows
I've been safely placed in rows
Sure I know how it goes


Another day goes by
Little time machine
I'm breaking my brain
Over what it might mean
Just to claim the time
And to turn away
To make today today


Who waits for you
Lonely tired old toad
It's your life laid out before you
Like the broken white line down the center of the doggone road


Yeah, big moon landing
People all standing up
Smiles for the loved ones
They go walking on down the aisles
Each re-engages stepping into the sun
I watch them turn like pages
One by one by one

... James Taylor has the ability to capture life with his lyrics. He has to be one of the most brilliant artists I've been exposed to. I'm grateful that my parents have excellent taste in music -- J. Taylor included.

I am so grateful for musicians like him... He puts words to paper in a way that I can not.

create in me.

Have you ever had sin in your life and felt guilty for it as soon as it happened -- only to turn around and sin over and over again?

I have. And it's not a good feeling at all. I'm not really quite sure how I get there every time, but sure enough something creeps in, distracts my attention, and leads me right back to it. I was reading tonight for one of my classes and one of the discussions was about pacing yourself in how you speak through crucial conversations. Don't just blow up on somebody and then ask for forgiveness. It's important for us to think things through before we speak them -- I'm pretty sure all of our parents taught us that at one point or another. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all. Period. End of story.

This really got me thinking tonight... How many times do I say or do things without even thinking about the effect it may have on those around me? How many times do I feel the need to call out those around me and do the same thing myself? I'm not called to be the judge. In no way, shape, or form do I want to be that person -- that is ALL God. Too many times I say that, but still end up judging those around me. It isn't that I blatantly stand there and judge people all day; no, not at all. But rather, I judge inadvertently. It can be so easy to gloss it over and pretend like we're not doing it, but we are.

I need a change. I need more. I need life.
I want change. I want more. I want life.

"God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life...
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise."
- Psalm 51:10, 15
(the Message)

Create in me a pure heart, O God.
May my heart mirror Yours.

laugh it out.

I love laughing. Probably as much as Misty LOVES cheese.

And let me just say that I love it when I can genuinely laugh at something with someone -- it's important, you know? Life is about the small things. I'm thoroughly amused by the little moments. Tonight, I shared a few of those moments with a good friend of mine, Misty. Oh, but they were not small. In a sense, they were rather large and they definitely captured my attention. Misty, you know what I'm talking about :) It could not have been more perfect. I'm pretty sure that the best hearty laughs take place when you cannot breathe, your face is red, and all those around you are looking at you with half disgust, half wanting to be in on the joke.

Life is perfect in those moments.


Nighty nite, little one.

carpe diem.

I've been thinking a lot lately... a lot about the future, what I want to do, where I want to live, and the list goes on. My leadership classes are making me think through things -- LIFE. Don't get me wrong, they're awesome classes with excellent professors, there's just a lot going through my head.

In my Leadership Development class today Dr. Hemby was talking about how people think busyness equals success and effectiveness, when in actuality all it is, is busyness. That's it. Just because your day planner says you have appointments back to back from 8-4 doesn't mean that you're a successful, accomplished person. All it says is that you have too much on your plate to really sit and breathe. I'm so glad my success is not measured by how many appointments and people I meet with each day because if it was, I would be a crying shame. Life is too short and too precious to fly through it. I've been pondering that idea all day... What am I really investing my time into? It isn't enough to just sit and waste in on the internet or a fleeting magazine. There is more to life -- there are places to go, people to see.

I've been learning so much about myself this semester. I'm growing up and in a way it scares me; in another way I'm excited. God is faithful and I am so far from it... I'm not going to miss it. I will choose to be patient and wait. It's in the waiting that true peace, deep grace, and spiritual fulfillment comes.

My life will not be wasted.
I'm going to sieze the day... I challenge you to do the same.

G'nite.

sweet melody.

let's just agree on something: dave barnes is sweet goodness on a disc.
ok then, we can move on.

he holds a special place in my heart.
a.) he's beautiful
b.) he can sing
c.) he's an incredible artist.

i love the artists that can articulate everything i'm feeling. music has to be one of the greatest ways of communication. the first thing i look for in a song is honesty in the voice. i'll just say this: i can jam to most anything, but i can fall in love with an honest, well-writing musician. i'm a sucker for minor chords and simplicity. it's true. one of my favorite movies is the holiday... in one part jack black is talking with kate winslett about music. he's on the keyboard working on a piece of composition. he's playing a song and then all of a sudden he says to her, "if you were a melody... this is what you would sound like." my heart was so full in that moment.

oh, to be somebody's sweet melody.

noah&allie.

"So it's not gonna be easy.
It's gonna be really hard.
We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. "

I want my Noah.
That's all I have for now.

when it rains.

Let me just say, rainy days are one of my favorites. In my dorm, my desk is faced towards the window for this very reason... to watch the rain fall. And, since I live in Florida, it rains quite often. I'm a fan when I'm safely inside -- wrapped in a blanket,sipping coffee, and listening to good music. I actually have a playlist on my ipod called "rainy days". Mm... so good.

I am a snuggler -- not by default, but by choice. Yep, I sure am. You may read that and think it to be childish, but I can almost guarantee you that deep down, you are one too. Don't be ashamed, own it. I'm all about snuggling on a rainy day. (and any other day, too ;) This is what I miss about home. I miss being able to get a hug whenever I need/want/demand one. Oh, mom and dad. To be home would be so nice right now. I'll be closer to home this weekend because I'll be with my family. Thank goodness Jason and Meghan are living in Tampa now. A group of us are going over to the John Mayer concert Saturday so I'm staying with them all weekend. I'm SO excited! I've been needing a breath of fresh air.

Classes are going well. Lots of reading. I mean, more than I've had in my entire college career. On the positive side, they're all books I'm pretty interested in reading -- this makes it that much easier. I'm really enjoying my classes this semester and looking forward to learning more about myself and those around me. There's a lot of teamwork this semester so that will be fun. I love getting to know people... I think it's going to be a good semester.

And also, it's almost September. Which means we're that much closer to December.
Christmas.

back in action.

Well, I'm back one last time for my senior year. I can hardly believe it. This past Thursday my mom and I left at 6 AM to head down to Florida. I was incredibly sad that my dad was unable to make the journey, but we still had our chats along the way. I miss you, Papi!!!


Our first stop was my grandparents house in Vero Beach -- it was so good to see them. My grandfather never ceases to amaze me and my grannie is just as beautiful as she was years ago. Here they are:


Yes, they are cute as buttons. It's true :)

Friday morning we headed to Palm Bay and had lunch with my brother... He's doing so well and I'm very proud of/for him. I miss him so much. Every time I see him I realize how much I wish he was still right down the hall from me. He's one of my favorites.

Next stop: Tampa. Jason and Meghan (the newlyweds) are living in Tampa now -- which I am ecstatic about! They are fully aware that many a weekend will be spent at their casa. We were able to spend the weekend with them. Jason, being an amazing brother, and Meghan, being the willing sister in law, both came and helped me move in Saturday. Which, by the way, felt surreal. For some reason, this year feels completely different than any other move in. I'm pretty sure it's a.) because I'm living in the old boys dorm and b.) because I'm a senior. It's just different... I'm not sure if it's a good different, bad different, or just different.

I miss home -- more than I have in all the years I've been away. This summer, Georgia has become my home. I have friends there and my parents -- well, they're the best. I'm almost positive that they will never fully understand how much they truly mean to me. I think this feeling of anxiety is knowing that after this year things will never be the same. Ever. I don't like the sound of that... But life goes on, I grow up.

Well, tomorrow is the first day of classes. Here it goes...

And just for you, Papi: Jesus, take the wheel.
:)

Love and miss you.

there was a wedding.

At the beginning of this summer my dad performed a wedding ceremony (for an Italian family I might add) and this was read at the end of it... I'm going to use it because it is so beautiful:

Nothing is more practical than finding God,
that is, than falling in love
in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love,
stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

-Pedro Arrupe, SJ

wants.

I want to go to Italy.
I want to be myself -- without worrying about what anybody else thinks.
I want to be healthy.
I want to trust... wholeheartedly.
I want to fall in love.
I want to lose myself by finding Him.
I want to set goals and achieve them.
I want to paint more.
I want to know that everything is going to be okay -- even when it may not feel like it.
I want to be better at photography.
I want to be seen for who I really am.
I want to go deeper.

want: to have or feel need... to wish or demand the presence of... to hunt or seek in order to apprehend.

it's been a while.

Since we last spoke many things have happened.
Let's see...

I got pulled over for the first time ever. Yep, sure did. Here's the deal: my left brake light was out and my tags were expired. Don't worry, I only received two warnings. The officer was really nice and had pity on me! PTL. My left blinker went out the day before and we had to order the bulb for it, but we forgot to put the brake light bulbs back in. And, my tags... well I didn't have the money to renew them yet. To put a cherry on top of this ice cream treat, I had the kids with me. Of course it is just SO exciting to be pulled over in the eyes of a 6 year old. He thought we were going to jail! ha ha ha. It was an "exhilarating" experience to say the least. I'm just glad I didn't get a big ticket.

Also, we are moving to Dahlonega. For all of my Florida friends, the new house is only about twenty or thirty minutes more north from where we are now. We're pretty excited. I don't know too much about the house other than my mom loves the kitchen and the rooms are fairly small. Oh, and we'll have our own pool with a huge deck around it. Life is exciting... and the places it takes us, they're even more exciting sometimes. So, we're in transition. Lots of packing, lots of prayer. We need the finances to be able to get out of this house and into the new one. God has never left us without and He's always provided. His timing is perfect.

I'm not sure what this fall holds as far as school. At this point, to be able to return would be very difficult financially. I want to graduate and move on, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to afford it. So, I'm praying about that as well... So much is happening.
I have curly hair.

Happy belated 4th of July. Here are some pictures from the weekend...




k, cu.

sparklers.

I'm going to have sparklers at my wedding as we exit.
I just wanted you to know.

it's official.

This is Prince Caspian -- aka, Ben Barnes. He is my new love.

I've seen this movie twice now and have fallen in love. Twice. But seriously, it's a really good movie and has so many deep spiritual aspects. I just love it when the good side wins... And that Aslan, amazing. I have a new found sense of respect for C.S. Lewis and his brilliant form of art with the Chronicles of Narnia. Who knows, maybe I'll get crazy enough to read the books this summer? Maybe.

Oh, and it's official -- me and Caspian.
It's on facebook.

:)

$3.61

I bought a trifle dish today... and it was only $3.61. Oh yes.
If you're unsure of what a trifle dish looks like, here you go:


Dessert anyone?

it all started with a nap.

Well, I've been sick lately. Last Friday I took a nap in the afternoon and when I woke up my throat hurt, my head ached, and my body was even more tired than before. I was supposed to meet my friend Amanda in a few hours and had absolutely no energy to do so. But, I went anyway.

Saturday morning I woke up -- I felt like a train had hit me! Needless to say I felt so sick. I hurt in places I didn't even know were possible of hurting. Honestly, I felt like I was going to die. And no, I'm not over dramatic. So, I took some medicine and ibuprofen hoping to clear things up.

Sunday morning my Nana and aunt were moving out of our home into their own. My parents were up early to help move them in. I sat at home all morning feeling not as bad as I did Saturday, but not too much better. I took some more medicine and started to feel a little better around lunch time. Of course, it was raining outside and all I wanted to do was lay down while my mom scratched my back, but the world isn't perfect and I had to share my parents that day. Lame... Sunday night rolled around and church started at 5. Kelly was coming to church for the first time and I wanted to make sure I was there so I got ready for church -- definitely could have looked better -- and we were off. I was feeling better. We all went out to eat afterwards at Taco Mac. Our waiter, Alan, was apparently not good at making suggestions. Kelly and I split the Southwestern wrap and oh my goodness. My mouth was absolutely on fire. I didn't like it at all. Oh, Alan. Whatever, the fellowship was good. And fun.

Monday I felt alright. I only had Ethan for the day because Emma was at the farm with her horse Swedee (and yes, that's how you spell it). Ethan and I met Kelly and her kids at the park for lunch. It was hot as ____ outside. Let me just say, when I have kids we will only go outside in the fall and in the spring. My goodness summer is so hot. Anyways, we stayed for a little while and then we left about an hour and a half of the heat. I didn't want Ethan to get overheated. When we got back we went in the pool for a little while -- which by the way, it wasn't refreshing, but rather just hot. Later after picking up Emma I had the worst migraine. And I don't use that word loosely. I felt horrible.

Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday. I woke up at 5 AM. Oh yes I did. My left eye was sealed shut. I seriously could not open it. If you've ever had pink eye, you know how badly it hurts. But let me just tell you, it wasn't just pink eye -- it was red eye. I could have been the spokesperson for "Clear Eyes". I had to go to the doctor and was put on three different medications. Two for my sinus infection and then I had eye drops. Lots of fun.

My mom makes the best comfort food.

Wednesday morning I woke up -- both my left and right eyes were sealed shut. I was so scared. I hate being sick... I had my mom take me to work and we took the kids to paint pottery for their dad -- so cute. I think he's going to love it. I kind of felt okay that morning, but once the afternoon hit, I was in a lot of pain. I was so grateful to have my mom with me all day. She is so wonderful and I'm pretty sure Ethan fell in love with her. We got home around 4:30 and I tried to rest. Maybe it's just me, but I hate being sick and more than being sick, I hate sleeping a lot when I'm sick. I feel like I waste days that way. It's just no fun. My mom went to church last night and when she got back my dad arrived back home as well. They anointed me and prayed over my body. I love the Lord.

Of course, today my eyes are so much more clear than they were yesterday and even last night they were feeling better. I'm supposed to go to a Braves game tomorrow night, but we'll see if that happens. My eyes are still sensitive to the sunlight and I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle being outside that long...

So, that's my week in a nut shell. This is definitely long enough. I hope all is well. I miss you all very much.
All my love.

for misty.

This is Ethan and Emma.

They are cute as can be... Our first official "outing" was two weeks ago when we went to Stars and Strikes (the bowling alley here in town). It was a lot of fun! Emma won the game, but Ethan wasn't far behind. He did pretty well for himself. I was quite proud of him.

Here they are:


Oh, to be young again.

I've actually been thinking about that a lot lately. I've been missing being a kid. It's official: being an adult comes with way too much responsibility. And not enough warning is spoken before you reach this point, you know? Oh well, it's life. I'm a grown up -- involuntarily. But you see, tomorrow will be different. I'll probably be feeling the total opposite; excited about what lies ahead. Who I'll meet, places I'll go, things I'll photograph. Though there's so much desire for the carelessness of summer as a child, there is so much excitement awaiting me in the future.

If you weren't aware, the wedding was beautiful! I can hardly believe it's already come and gone. Everything was so perfect. The day of the wedding the weather was absolutely wonderful -- not too hot, not too cold. Jason and Meghan were so happy with how everything turned out. It was lovely.

Life is good. I'm making friends and actually doing things this summer... I'll be attending a Braves game this Friday night. I'm quite excited because that was one of my goals this summer. I'm hoping the weather will be nice. I'm sure it will be -- the nights tend to be cooler up here. I love it.

Well, it's time for me to say goodbye.
I will return soon... just for you.

:)

soccer mom.

Jason and Meghan are getting married this weekend!
Needless to say, everybody is SO excited -- especially the beautiful couple... It's going to be such a good weekend. I can't wait to see everybody.

On a more recent note -- today I felt like such a soccer mom. I definitely took Ethan and Emma to school this morning and picked them up this afternoon. It felt pretty weird to be honest. They're still as cute as can be:) Ethan is all boy and Emma is as sweet as they come. She's so helpful in every way and tends to be a "mom" towards Ethan -- it's adorable. Of course Ethan would rather her not be like that -- "he can do it himself!" He cracked me up on the way back home from school today. I was trying to get to know him a little better, but he was acting so bashful. At one point he told me that he had $50,000 and I asked him what he would be paying me to take care of him this summer. And the answer was, "nothing". We kept going back and forth with the conversation and then he spat out the line: "I'm just joking!" He makes me laugh. So from now on he uses that line -- for everything. I could just smooch him he just so cute.

Tomorrow I'll be taking Emma to school and picking her up and then I'll babysit them both through the afternoon and evening so they're parents can go out on a date:) Which means I'll be cooking supper and putting them to bed. I'm kind of nervous... We'll see how it goes!

Lots of fun to come this summer.
I promise I'll take TONS of pictures at the wedding so you can see how beautiful everything turns out...

to all you mothers out there.

Some updates for you...

I'm officially a nanny for the summer! I met the mom last Thursday and I met the kids on Friday... They are cute as can be -- the little boy is 6 and the little girl is 11. I'm pretty excited for the summer. When I was leaving on Friday, I had the cutest little note stuck in my door. Here it is, ladies and gents:





Just tell me, how cute is this?! Ok then, we've got that settled.

Also, other breaking news. My bank account was hacked into. Somebody, somewhere, somehow tried to charge $4,000 to my bank account. I have no idea where they got the idea that I would have that much money, but I don't! HA. I'll be going in tomorrow to try to work out everything so I can get my paycheck from school on Tuesday.

AND, my brother and Meghan are getting married on Saturday -- I'm so excited!

Today was mother's day. I have the best mama -- ever. And let me tell you, we had a feast. Honestly, I thoroughly impressed myself with my cooking. I made twice-baked potatoes that were really yummy... and the cake I made. Oh.my.goodness. SO good. And it was beautiful.

My Chocolate Mocha Torte:



And the twice-baked potatoes:

Just in case you weren't hungry enough, this is the whole feast together (My papi's famous grilled chicken, twice-baked potatoes, fresh salad, garlic bread, and SWEET TEA!)... Misty, the salad I made just for you:


Well, that's basically the update for today.
Mom's Day was good -- yummy, to be exact. I hope everybody had a fabulous day with their mom (or without their mom)! And Misty and Ashley -- I will do my best to keep my blog up to date just for ya'll:)

Happy Mom's Day, Mama...

home.

I have been eating home-cooked meals for almost a week now.
At this very moment I am sitting on my couch.
I love every single thing about being home.

Today I had an interview with a mom to be a nanny... It's basically a guaranteed job. I will be meeting the kids tomorrow at 4 and I'm really excited! This job seems to be a dream come true. She (the mama) was telling me about how she would pay for us to do whatever we wanted to this summer. Here were some suggestions made:

- the zoo
- the Atlanta Aquarium
- pottery shop
- Lake Lanier Island water park

... please, tell me if this could get any better? I truly feel blessed by this opportunity. Thank you, Kelly, for hooking me up with such a good job! Hopefully the babies love me as much as I will probably love them...

As much as I would never think I would say it: I miss Lakeland. I guess it's not so much the place as it is my friends. Misty, Ashley, Katherine, Nick, Allison... so many. I miss you all so much! I can't wait to be back with you so we can have many dates full of chick-fil-a, frozen explosions, brownie obsessions, and Target runs. Oh my, next year -- so much to come, my loves!

Until next time...

bittersweet. like chocolate.

I have definitely been swinging to Matt Nathanson all day today.
Mm... yes, I have.
Thanks to Misty T. for bringing him into my life -- kudos to your good choices.

We went to the concert and had lots-o-fun.
He's one of those performers you can just get lost without even realizing it. Amazing.

On a more serious note, I am getting ready for finals next week and I'm stressed to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about different classes. No fun. I can't wait for them to be finished and then it's on to bigger and better things -- my last summer as a student. I was thinking about it today -- this summer will be my last official "summer". It seems so far-fetched to me. After this my days as a student will be no more. I honestly don't know how I feel about that... mixed feelings I guess. I'm ready to move on in life and be finished with school, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to receive the responsibility of being an adult. It's almost like bittersweet chocolate -- it is good to cook with, but not as sweet as savory milk chocolate.

I'm tired.
Weary.

untitled.

I'm ready to go home.
Where my family is and love is found...without conditions or questions -- it is simply available.
I'm ready for this semester to be over.
I guess there is a point where one has to create their own home wherever they go, but at this point I just want my mom and dad...I don't care if that sounds childish. I miss them. so much.

Only a few more weeks and I'll be finished with junior year. It's crazy to think I only have one more year left. One year. So many things can happen in one year. I could move. go. stay. visit. travel. find out who I really am. fall in love, perhaps. I'm ready to explore. I hope the next year of my life is devoted to finding me -- in the ordinary and out of the ordinary experiences I am faced with.

So, I'm going to do it.

giddy-up.

It seems to me that all of my girl friends are feeling the same emotions as me... Direction, wisdom, love, so on and so on -- they all seem to be so close but still so far away. At least that's how I feel. I can't seem to break free from this mindset that everything has to be in order for me to move on from this place I'm stuck in. That's it, I'm stuck. I keep trying to pull out and continue to dig my self deeper in the "mud".

I don't have it all figured it out. And that's okay. It has to be or else my mind would constantly be on my current state of not knowing and nothing would get done.

Lord, send me something to let me know I'm where I need to be.

I'll find my way. Slowly, but surely I feel like I am wading through this season of life. It isn't just school, but it's life. Everything can seem so difficult and overwhelming. You would think that school would be enough on it's own, but it isn't. There is so much to be taken care of. Can't I just stop and soak up life? Embrace the moment. That's what they say, right? I need help embracing the moment. There is too much going on to do that. Too much. I guess that's a good starting point. I need to make some time to simply sit still.

Soak.it.up.

all or nothing.

Be specific.
Desire one thing.
Pursue with a whole heart.
Love justly.
Walk lowly.
Gaze steadily.
Pray.
Seek always.
Open fully.
Abandon.
Listen mindfully.
Speak positively.
Uplift.
Travel globally.
Worry not for tomorrow.
Run.
See as I see.
Thirst.
Hunger.
Prepare.

cheers.

I can't seem to shut off my thoughts to sleep lately. It feels as if every decision to be made is hovering over me, overtaking every last minute of my day... I'm so tired.

I am fully aware that I need to finalize plans and "map out" the next year of my life, but somehow I fear I will make the wrong decision.

Fear.
It's an interesting word that seems to be used so carelessly most of the time. To me, it's like saying "I love you" and not really grasping the depth of the words you speak to someone. I think I'm ready to face those fears and move past them. And yes, I'm pretty sure that is an "easier said than done" statement.
Yep.
Definite about that one.

Here's to many adventures, travels, laughs, and a year full of hope.

Cheers.

do it with a heart wide open.

I was listening to "Say" by John Mayer tonight and it made me think about where I'm at in life right now...

You better know that in the end its better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing --
Do it with a heart wide open...

In talking with my mom today I've realized quite a few things. Life is too short to live passively. It is not enough to just live day in and day out -- without taking any chances. I'm tired of dreaming. What will the moment feel like when a dream collides with reality? There are many things I dream about... Some seem so close that the butterflies in my stomach keep growing bigger and bigger. I lose my train of thought and suddenly feel a shortness of breath. Saying "hello" really shouldn't be this difficult, but in the world of Emily -- it is. My heart screams "yes", but it doesn't seem loud enough for my mind to hear...

This is how chances seem to just pass me by. It's time to just take them.
When you love somebody, say it.

I'm ready for my moment.
I'm ready to jump with both feet...

candles and wishes.

I recently turned 21... and by recently I mean last Thursday. Yep, the big 2.1. It was good times. I've decided that I have the most caring and over-the-top friends. All of them. Yes, each one.

The one word I could use to describe my birthday and the weekend to follow it would be overwhelming. It definitely fits the bill. I received gifts simply because I was born. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Let me just say there were two big surprises that could not be topped if attempted.

1.) My friends Misty and Ashley listen. And they heard, numerous times, about my love for a certain perfume -- it's delicious... I am now a proud owner of something made by Chanel. All because I'm an official adult.

2.) Let me preface this with the fact that I have never been to a "tea" before and have always wanted to. My roommate provided the second surprise. Of course a white lie had to be told in order to get me to the Grand Floridian -- yes, I did say the Grand Floridian. Every Sunday a "high tea" is hosted at the Grand Floridian and my roommate made a reservation for us to go. I went with her to Orlando under the impression that she was asked to play the piano for the Gardenview Tea Lounge and I was merely going for moral support. But to my surprise, we were there to celebrate my birthday. It was so delightful and I enjoyed every moment of it. It could not have been a more perfect ending to my weekend. Also, I was given a crown to wear and a cupcake to eat. There was a candle. And yes, I did wish upon it.

We had our tea and then went to visit Disney's Boardwalk. By the end of the night we were all so tired and to top it off we took the ferry back to the hotel. What a beautiful night.

And then there was Jack. He was beautiful and from England. He had the most brilliant accent.

Almost a week after and 3 wishes later, I'm still on cloud nine. Thanks to all for making me feel so special and loved. I could not have asked for a more perfect celebration...

All my love.
G'nite.