moving on.

Well, it's about that time. I've moved. You can not only now find me in Florida, but here is where my blog has moved:

http://emilybberry.wordpress.com/

Come join me!

everything.

Hello again. It's been a while... I'm not sure how many actually read this, but for whoever you are I'm sorry it's taken me a while. Life has been busy and to say the least, I haven't really known where to begin. Forgive me if my thoughts seem a bit scattered. I'm feeling a bit like that lately.

I was thinking about what I wanted to write about -- there is so much to catch up on it seems like. Maybe I'll write about the most prevalent topic in my life at the moment: graduation. I'm going to be honest, I'm scared. But in the same breath I'm excited... and overwhelmed and nervous and have no idea what January holds. I know whatever it is I'll be doing or wherever the winding road takes me, it's going to be good. I know that because GOD is good. He is faithful and never once has He given me a reason to not trust Him. Ah, my heart is so full thinking about Him.

Last night I was able to be at a young adults service at a local church. There wasn't anything incredibly special about this Sunday night and to be honest I didn't even really care to go. I was moreso going to support a friend... but isn't it funny how the Lord can even stir a spirit like mine? I surely do. I'm grateful for it. Those moments present opportunities for Jesus to come in and speak sweetly, softly to our heart. You give Him a mustard seed to work with and somehow He turns it into a huge garden. I love that about Him. I do, I do, I do. Needless to say, I left that service refreshed and was honored with an desire to seek the Lord more than I ever have. This season of life is intimidating, but I know there is nothing that He doesn't already know... I hope this is helping you as much as it has helped me.

God is good. Holy. Just. Loving. Beautiful. Present. Majestic. Worthy.

Hillsong has found its way into my life this semester. It isn't that I didn't like them before, but their music has been especially helpful at this point... One of my favorite songs is "Take All of Me". If you get the chance, check it out. So here's the thing, I LOVE minor chords. I think they are incredibly beautiful and I tend to smile whenever I hear them. You may find it odd, but I do. Now that you know that about me, you'll probably be able to pick out my favorite part of the song. The end. No, not like that. It's just this part at the very end when they say, "I love you so and I give up my heart to say I need you so... You're my everything." The word everything holds a special place in my heart. There are only two moments in my life that I can distinctly remember that involve this word. The first being the Sunday morning when my boyfriend and I broke up. It was in between services at church and I was trying to be obedient to the Lord. So... I broke it off. That morning my mom had decided to do a song called, "Everything"... Let me tell you, that was all I had to cling to. That song will always hold a special place in my heart.

Let's bring this full circle. Jesus is my everything. I'm learning that even if I was to be single for the rest of my life, He would be enough for me. He's the only one that will never leave me. I can trust Him. He loves me... unconditionally. He finds me to be beautiful and lovely. So even in this time where I have moments where I feel out of place and I'm intimidated by "adult decisions" I'll have to make in the next few weeks, He's still there. He wants to know about my day. I love that about Him.

Ah, it feels good to be back. Sorry I've been hiding out for so long.

love&peace.

i miss you.

I think I'd miss you even if we never met.

This is one of my favorite movie quotes. Of course, in the actual movie (The Wedding Date), the man is referring to the woman he's falling in love with. For me, this statement is true, but in a different context. I miss you... and we never got to meet.

Roscoe Athens Berry

My parents, Nana, and aunt went to visit my grandfathers gravesite today. Unfortunately, I was unable to go with them. My grandfather passed away long before I was even a twinkle in my mama's eye. He was in his early 50's with the personality like my daddy's (so he tells me). Had we met, I would have fallen in love with him and most likely have considered him one of my best friends. If he was anything like my dad, I would have been absolutely crazy about him... and he about me. To hear the way my parents talk about him makes me envy them for being able to spend time with him. He had a heart of gold, unconditional love, a great sense of humor (must run in the family), he was brilliant, handsome... traits of a superhero. He was perfect, I just know it. I miss him so much. You ever have a moment when you're by yourself and it just hits you? It happened me today. Tears, lots of them, came out of nowhere. Maybe it was the inevitable rain or the soft melodies playing in the background or maybe, just maybe, it was that I decided to let myself go. I can't seem to remember a time when I've ever actually cried over this, but today... today, I did. And it felt right. I hate that he missed out on ballet recitals, graduations, the boys baseball games, family suppers, swinging on the back porch, catching fireflies, seeing me grow up. I hate that he won't be present when I promise myself to the man I love. But I do know where he is and I know that one day, I'll get to meet him. Then I'll hug him, over and over and over.

Honestly, I've never realized how much I truly miss him.

all my love.

I've been thinking about you lately.

My 45 minute commute offers time enough to fit in a few thoughts of you. It's been over a year since we last spoke. I asked you to never contact me again. No phone calls, emails, texts... nothing. Oh, and don't even think about asking my best friend about me. Get out of my life. Those words were my last. Did it break my heart? Definitely. Was it something I needed to do? Absolutely.

Do I miss you? There are moments.

Two and half years is a long time, you know? We were so connected that to be apart was too difficult. So, we stayed close. Friends. I found it to be impossible to be just friends and maintain a healthy friendship after two and half years. But yet, we did it. For 3 years we stayed "friends". For me, you were always a thought, a possibility. For you, I was a mere afterthought. It ended and so did your thoughts of me. I held onto you so tightly that I thought my slowly-fading faith would be enough to bring you back to me. Surely, it wasn't. So, you went your way and I went mine. I was 18 and completely afraid of what was ahead. A new city, new people... a fresh start I couldn't see at the time. You had clouded all of my thoughts for so long. There were moments where I felt unattractive and far removed from the girl I once was. Over time I had replaced all of my "girl time" for time with you... My precious friendships escaped me. I allowed them to and I'm sorry for that.

You broke my heart. Shame on me for loving you so deeply when you didn't return the feeling. I was so blinded by you. Caught off guard by your interest.

Nonetheless, I'm a better woman for it. I've learned to let the past be the past. I look, with expectancy and courage, to the future. I'm not the girl you dated. Rather, I have become the woman I was meant to be. You taught me things about myself. For those things, I kindly thank you.

To the man on his way:

May the Lord richly bless you while you are far from me and swiftly bring you to me. You are going to be everything I ever dreamed of... and more.

All my love.

between the trees.

There's this band my friend introduced me to: Between the Trees. The name of the band should be enough for me to absolutely fall in love with them, but they have captured my attention with their musicality and lyrics... I find that I always end up putting one song on repeat when I'm listening to a new cd and I've found it on this one. I'd like to share the lyrics with you because they speak to me personally. To you it may be different, but to me... well... I think you'll understand.

Between the Trees
"you cry a tear to start a river"

So stand close to me
Don't sail away, baby
Let them see your heart
Let 'em see just how beautiful you are

So you head on down
To the bottom near the river
Just to wash away
All the pain of today and yesterday
And you try so hard
To wash away the spots
But your tears
Don't seem to do enough
It's just too much
Well, darling grab a hand
We promise not to let you stand alone

You're like nobody else, you see
Nothing less than any girl in your magazine
Don't you know you're special?
You're really something special
Baby

So you look into
You look into the water
And there you are
Just the way you left yourself
All alone
But lift your head
And look across the water
'Cause there you'll see
All of us together singing
Darling grab a hand
We promise not to let you stand alone

Darling grab a hand
We won't let you go
Darling grab a hand
We promise not to let you stand alone

graduation.

It's that time again.

Graduation.

College graduation to be exact. As much as I feel like I could be bitter about not graduating in two days, I'm not. Surprising, I know. Everybody has family coming into town, excitement is in the air. There's a feeling of accomplishment and high hopes for the future. I have so many friends graduating and moving on from here to something bigger, better. Although I'm not part of that group I know my time is coming. December isn't too far away. I'll blink and it will be summer. I'll blink again and I'll be dressed in a black robe with my diploma in hand. My four years of college have been... well... different. Not what I expected. It's supposed to be "the best time of your life". So, of course, coming into it I'm expecting this incredible experience -- a life-changing breath of time. But here I am, four years later. I've had my fair share of ups and downs, gains and losses. Friends have come and gone. I've loved every moment of the one-on-one times I've been able to have with my girlfriends and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world. Moments like:



We change. We grow. We go, stay.

So, here's to you. I'm celebrating with those of you this spring. I'm proud to have grown with you and been challenged by your words; encouraged by who you are as an individual. I pray that God richly blesses you -- wherever you go. May He increase your passion and provide resources for you that you never expected. Allow Him to lead you where He wants you. Above all, love Him. Embrace the small things, soak up every moment. You are loved, deeply.

Carpe diem.

why?

So much to say, very few words come to mind.

Why?

There are so many ways to answer that question, but I cannot seem to find the right answer. It's a loaded question... At least for me. Why am I alone? (That's the first and foremost tonight.) Why do I feel the way I do? Why did that happen to my family? Why can't you just be honest with me? Why do I feel so distant, even when we're sitting right next to each other? Why... Why?

I'm not looking for answers, I'm just stating a question. In some ways, I'd like your feedback. In other ways, it's a rhetorical question. Communication. Honesty. Unconditional love. Selflessness. Compassion. Intrigue. All of those things are what I'm looking for. I don't feel like you seem to get it... whoever you are. It's not that difficult. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one that needs to open my eyes and see you. See the real you. Perhaps things could be different. Maybe I expected too much... correction: I did expect too much. "...you would have thought by now, I'd learned something..." I thought I did. You would think that 4 years of being single would have brought more understanding, more self-examination, better insight. In reality, I only feel rejected, unattractive, lowly, a woman not worth fighting for...

All of that changed today when I had a talk with my friend. I was feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things -- not just relationships. Entrepreneurship had taken over my life and classes were getting the best of me. As we were chatting I was telling him that I was feeling all of the things I just listed and he simply told me how I am worth fighting for. I am beautiful. All of the things I needed to hear. There wasn't some epiphany, the angels didn't sing a hallelujah chorus... His words simply resounded in my soul. The Lord knew what I needed to hear and used him to say it.

So...

Sorry for the chaotic blob of words. I hope they've helped you in some way or another. I feel slightly relieved now that I've put words out there. My life may seem a mess right now, but I know everything will be okay... I have to believe it will.

kir.