all my love.

I've been thinking about you lately.

My 45 minute commute offers time enough to fit in a few thoughts of you. It's been over a year since we last spoke. I asked you to never contact me again. No phone calls, emails, texts... nothing. Oh, and don't even think about asking my best friend about me. Get out of my life. Those words were my last. Did it break my heart? Definitely. Was it something I needed to do? Absolutely.

Do I miss you? There are moments.

Two and half years is a long time, you know? We were so connected that to be apart was too difficult. So, we stayed close. Friends. I found it to be impossible to be just friends and maintain a healthy friendship after two and half years. But yet, we did it. For 3 years we stayed "friends". For me, you were always a thought, a possibility. For you, I was a mere afterthought. It ended and so did your thoughts of me. I held onto you so tightly that I thought my slowly-fading faith would be enough to bring you back to me. Surely, it wasn't. So, you went your way and I went mine. I was 18 and completely afraid of what was ahead. A new city, new people... a fresh start I couldn't see at the time. You had clouded all of my thoughts for so long. There were moments where I felt unattractive and far removed from the girl I once was. Over time I had replaced all of my "girl time" for time with you... My precious friendships escaped me. I allowed them to and I'm sorry for that.

You broke my heart. Shame on me for loving you so deeply when you didn't return the feeling. I was so blinded by you. Caught off guard by your interest.

Nonetheless, I'm a better woman for it. I've learned to let the past be the past. I look, with expectancy and courage, to the future. I'm not the girl you dated. Rather, I have become the woman I was meant to be. You taught me things about myself. For those things, I kindly thank you.

To the man on his way:

May the Lord richly bless you while you are far from me and swiftly bring you to me. You are going to be everything I ever dreamed of... and more.

All my love.