waiting.

Have you ever waited on something?
...And your stomach began to hurt and your heart raced and the worst possible scenarios decided to replay themselves in your head over and over again?
Welcome.

I am a senior in college and during my finals week, on December 13th, I received a phone call from my parents that I was waiting on, but almost didn't want to answer -- as if to avoid the inevitable. While I was a home a few weeks before, my family and I were at lunch after church one Sunday when my dad chose to share the news with us. He had gone to the doctor and gotten some tests done...

So, here was the phone call. I could already hear it in my mom's voice. It's this tone she has when she has been crying. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I can honestly say I had never imagined this happening. But in that moment I had to make a choice to not worry. God is in control. I thought we were over our big "obstacle" in the Berry household. I thought we had paid our dues in dealing with pain... Nope.

I don't say that to discount what God can do. I believe He will and is healing my dad. I believe He is in control and loves my family very much. He has not brought us this far to simply take my dad away now... Of course there are moments of weakness and feelings that this cannot be real. BUT, in the end, I know that there is a reason for everything. In Ecclesiastes it says,

Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That's how it always is with God.

So, I trust Him. I have to daily give Him my thoughts and believe that He has a reason for everything... A season for everything.

wheel.

Because my beloved friend, Misty, felt the need to judge my last blog entry I wanted to write a more elaborate entry this time around.

Life has been absolutely insane the past month and a half -- hence the reason I haven't written in a while. I have had barely any time to do anything other than read and prepare for exams the last few weeks. Too many projects, papers, and the like. Thanksgiving break was a tease for me -- a week home, two weeks back in Florida, and then back home! But once I go home I won't have anything to worry about because next semester brings new classes.

I feel like I need to take a moment and reflect on what I've learned these past few months... My leadership classes have stretched me and have forced me to do a lot of self-examination. Although there have been a few rough spots in there, I have enjoyed my professors and what they have invested in my life. This semester has been the best of my college career. I've met some amazing people and many of my relationships have been brought full circle.

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now...

your love is strong.

Your Love Is Strong
:Jon Foreman:

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

a taste of heaven.

These are two pictures from my fall break this past weekend... I'm pretty sure the second one has to be the best of the entire trip. Yes, that's my dad -- and I'm proud of him. (love me, dad)

My fall break this semester was awesome -- maybe one of my favorites. It was quite the "homecoming" (note: I did not wear a fabulous gown, nor did I receive a crown) considering I hadn't seen my parents or friends in two months. That's definitely the longest I've ever been away from home... My brother Jason and his wife, Meghan, joined us for the weekend. Thursday night I met up with some friends for supper and that was fun. It was so good to see them and spend time with them! I didn't realize how much I had really missed them. I love being in good company.

Friday my family and I visited a pumpkin patch -- something I never had the pleasure of doing as a native Floridian. It was quite enjoyable. (minus the rainy weather) Friday night we enjoyed some delectable homemade brunswick stew made by none other than my dad. For dessert and entertainment: homemade brownies, a delightful game of Outburst from 1983, and Baby Mama. It was quite a night.

Saturday we just kind of "hung out" and then had supper at my Nana's house. A good time was had by all... Sunday was bittersweet. I went to church and had to say goodbye to friends, never a fun thing to do. Thank goodness I only have a month away until I'm home again for Thanksgiving! It can't get here soon enough. We made our trek back home and enjoyed the most amazing lunch ever. My mom is the best cook ever, hands down. Someday I hope to be that good :) I packed my car, hugged my parents goodbye, and started my drive back home. I cried. True story. I hate leaving home -- I never feel happy, you know? Of course, my mom called to tell me that she cried and in for some bizarre reason it made me feel good -- I'm missed. They really, truly miss me. It always feels nice to know that someone, somewhere misses you. Someday, just someday.

Cheers.

line 'em up.

Line 'Em Up
James Taylor

I remember Richard Nixon back in '74
And the final scene at the White House door
And the staff lined up to say good-bye
Tiny tear in his shifty little eye
He said nobody knows me
Nobody understands
These little people were good to me
Oh I'm gonna shake some hands

CHORUS:
Somebody line 'em up
Line 'em all up
Line 'em up
Line 'em all up
Line 'em up
Line 'em all up
Line 'em up
Line 'em all up

At that time my heart was all broke
I looked like ashes and smelled like smoke
And I turned away from my loving kind
Try to leave my body and live in my mind
But it's much too much emotion
To hold it in your hand
They've got waves out on the ocean
They're gonna wear away the land


Oh I've seen corn in Kansas
And I've seen picket fences
And certain cowboy dances
I've gone lining up for shows
I've been safely placed in rows
Sure I know how it goes


Another day goes by
Little time machine
I'm breaking my brain
Over what it might mean
Just to claim the time
And to turn away
To make today today


Who waits for you
Lonely tired old toad
It's your life laid out before you
Like the broken white line down the center of the doggone road


Yeah, big moon landing
People all standing up
Smiles for the loved ones
They go walking on down the aisles
Each re-engages stepping into the sun
I watch them turn like pages
One by one by one

... James Taylor has the ability to capture life with his lyrics. He has to be one of the most brilliant artists I've been exposed to. I'm grateful that my parents have excellent taste in music -- J. Taylor included.

I am so grateful for musicians like him... He puts words to paper in a way that I can not.

create in me.

Have you ever had sin in your life and felt guilty for it as soon as it happened -- only to turn around and sin over and over again?

I have. And it's not a good feeling at all. I'm not really quite sure how I get there every time, but sure enough something creeps in, distracts my attention, and leads me right back to it. I was reading tonight for one of my classes and one of the discussions was about pacing yourself in how you speak through crucial conversations. Don't just blow up on somebody and then ask for forgiveness. It's important for us to think things through before we speak them -- I'm pretty sure all of our parents taught us that at one point or another. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all. Period. End of story.

This really got me thinking tonight... How many times do I say or do things without even thinking about the effect it may have on those around me? How many times do I feel the need to call out those around me and do the same thing myself? I'm not called to be the judge. In no way, shape, or form do I want to be that person -- that is ALL God. Too many times I say that, but still end up judging those around me. It isn't that I blatantly stand there and judge people all day; no, not at all. But rather, I judge inadvertently. It can be so easy to gloss it over and pretend like we're not doing it, but we are.

I need a change. I need more. I need life.
I want change. I want more. I want life.

"God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life...
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise."
- Psalm 51:10, 15
(the Message)

Create in me a pure heart, O God.
May my heart mirror Yours.

laugh it out.

I love laughing. Probably as much as Misty LOVES cheese.

And let me just say that I love it when I can genuinely laugh at something with someone -- it's important, you know? Life is about the small things. I'm thoroughly amused by the little moments. Tonight, I shared a few of those moments with a good friend of mine, Misty. Oh, but they were not small. In a sense, they were rather large and they definitely captured my attention. Misty, you know what I'm talking about :) It could not have been more perfect. I'm pretty sure that the best hearty laughs take place when you cannot breathe, your face is red, and all those around you are looking at you with half disgust, half wanting to be in on the joke.

Life is perfect in those moments.


Nighty nite, little one.