bittersweet. like chocolate.

I have definitely been swinging to Matt Nathanson all day today.
Mm... yes, I have.
Thanks to Misty T. for bringing him into my life -- kudos to your good choices.

We went to the concert and had lots-o-fun.
He's one of those performers you can just get lost without even realizing it. Amazing.

On a more serious note, I am getting ready for finals next week and I'm stressed to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about different classes. No fun. I can't wait for them to be finished and then it's on to bigger and better things -- my last summer as a student. I was thinking about it today -- this summer will be my last official "summer". It seems so far-fetched to me. After this my days as a student will be no more. I honestly don't know how I feel about that... mixed feelings I guess. I'm ready to move on in life and be finished with school, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to receive the responsibility of being an adult. It's almost like bittersweet chocolate -- it is good to cook with, but not as sweet as savory milk chocolate.

I'm tired.
Weary.

untitled.

I'm ready to go home.
Where my family is and love is found...without conditions or questions -- it is simply available.
I'm ready for this semester to be over.
I guess there is a point where one has to create their own home wherever they go, but at this point I just want my mom and dad...I don't care if that sounds childish. I miss them. so much.

Only a few more weeks and I'll be finished with junior year. It's crazy to think I only have one more year left. One year. So many things can happen in one year. I could move. go. stay. visit. travel. find out who I really am. fall in love, perhaps. I'm ready to explore. I hope the next year of my life is devoted to finding me -- in the ordinary and out of the ordinary experiences I am faced with.

So, I'm going to do it.

giddy-up.

It seems to me that all of my girl friends are feeling the same emotions as me... Direction, wisdom, love, so on and so on -- they all seem to be so close but still so far away. At least that's how I feel. I can't seem to break free from this mindset that everything has to be in order for me to move on from this place I'm stuck in. That's it, I'm stuck. I keep trying to pull out and continue to dig my self deeper in the "mud".

I don't have it all figured it out. And that's okay. It has to be or else my mind would constantly be on my current state of not knowing and nothing would get done.

Lord, send me something to let me know I'm where I need to be.

I'll find my way. Slowly, but surely I feel like I am wading through this season of life. It isn't just school, but it's life. Everything can seem so difficult and overwhelming. You would think that school would be enough on it's own, but it isn't. There is so much to be taken care of. Can't I just stop and soak up life? Embrace the moment. That's what they say, right? I need help embracing the moment. There is too much going on to do that. Too much. I guess that's a good starting point. I need to make some time to simply sit still.

Soak.it.up.

all or nothing.

Be specific.
Desire one thing.
Pursue with a whole heart.
Love justly.
Walk lowly.
Gaze steadily.
Pray.
Seek always.
Open fully.
Abandon.
Listen mindfully.
Speak positively.
Uplift.
Travel globally.
Worry not for tomorrow.
Run.
See as I see.
Thirst.
Hunger.
Prepare.

cheers.

I can't seem to shut off my thoughts to sleep lately. It feels as if every decision to be made is hovering over me, overtaking every last minute of my day... I'm so tired.

I am fully aware that I need to finalize plans and "map out" the next year of my life, but somehow I fear I will make the wrong decision.

Fear.
It's an interesting word that seems to be used so carelessly most of the time. To me, it's like saying "I love you" and not really grasping the depth of the words you speak to someone. I think I'm ready to face those fears and move past them. And yes, I'm pretty sure that is an "easier said than done" statement.
Yep.
Definite about that one.

Here's to many adventures, travels, laughs, and a year full of hope.

Cheers.

do it with a heart wide open.

I was listening to "Say" by John Mayer tonight and it made me think about where I'm at in life right now...

You better know that in the end its better to say too much
Than to never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing --
Do it with a heart wide open...

In talking with my mom today I've realized quite a few things. Life is too short to live passively. It is not enough to just live day in and day out -- without taking any chances. I'm tired of dreaming. What will the moment feel like when a dream collides with reality? There are many things I dream about... Some seem so close that the butterflies in my stomach keep growing bigger and bigger. I lose my train of thought and suddenly feel a shortness of breath. Saying "hello" really shouldn't be this difficult, but in the world of Emily -- it is. My heart screams "yes", but it doesn't seem loud enough for my mind to hear...

This is how chances seem to just pass me by. It's time to just take them.
When you love somebody, say it.

I'm ready for my moment.
I'm ready to jump with both feet...

candles and wishes.

I recently turned 21... and by recently I mean last Thursday. Yep, the big 2.1. It was good times. I've decided that I have the most caring and over-the-top friends. All of them. Yes, each one.

The one word I could use to describe my birthday and the weekend to follow it would be overwhelming. It definitely fits the bill. I received gifts simply because I was born. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Let me just say there were two big surprises that could not be topped if attempted.

1.) My friends Misty and Ashley listen. And they heard, numerous times, about my love for a certain perfume -- it's delicious... I am now a proud owner of something made by Chanel. All because I'm an official adult.

2.) Let me preface this with the fact that I have never been to a "tea" before and have always wanted to. My roommate provided the second surprise. Of course a white lie had to be told in order to get me to the Grand Floridian -- yes, I did say the Grand Floridian. Every Sunday a "high tea" is hosted at the Grand Floridian and my roommate made a reservation for us to go. I went with her to Orlando under the impression that she was asked to play the piano for the Gardenview Tea Lounge and I was merely going for moral support. But to my surprise, we were there to celebrate my birthday. It was so delightful and I enjoyed every moment of it. It could not have been a more perfect ending to my weekend. Also, I was given a crown to wear and a cupcake to eat. There was a candle. And yes, I did wish upon it.

We had our tea and then went to visit Disney's Boardwalk. By the end of the night we were all so tired and to top it off we took the ferry back to the hotel. What a beautiful night.

And then there was Jack. He was beautiful and from England. He had the most brilliant accent.

Almost a week after and 3 wishes later, I'm still on cloud nine. Thanks to all for making me feel so special and loved. I could not have asked for a more perfect celebration...

All my love.
G'nite.